BRIAN: It's one of those nights.

YOU: For you too?

BRIAN: Yeah. I'm here reading a fiction book, not a philosophy book. Fiction always gets me down, but I read it when I'm going to seed, so maybe that explains it.

YOU: And when do you read philosophy?

BRIAN: When I'm going out to kill giants.

YOU: You mean windmills...

BRIAN: Well, they could be giants... We don't really know yet...

YOU: The "could be" is philosophy.

BRIAN: Exactly. You have to make sure they're not giants.

YOU: Someday we're going to have a re-evaluation of giants. You know how vampires are sympathetic characters? Same thing with giants and ogres.

BRIAN: Ah, the blurring of boundaries.

YOU: Yeah, pretty soon it will only be knights-errant who are evil.

BRIAN: The book I'm reading is called Don Quijada. It's a re-telling of the Don Quixote myth set in Sunset City. Jesús Quijada immigrates from Mexico as a middle-schooler and makes friends with Ramon Hernandez. Jesús discovers a Classics Illustrated comic of Don Quixote and is then inspired to read the original book, which he rereads all the way until he finishes high school. He wants to emulate Don Quixote, wants to be the foolish knight, knowingly, but also sincerely. His sidekick is Ramon Hernandez the Fool who's into all kinds of advanced altruistic things but in a naive way. Jesús decides to develop an undying love for Rosa Gutierrez, and pledges his life to do altruistic things for her, most of which end up being fantasies that he only talks about. His first car is an old muscle car, which he calls Rozinante. "There are three things in my life. Rosa, Rozinante, and Ramon -- the three R's", he says. Rozinante gets totaled and he has a funeral for it. Then he gets a new car and calls it "Hijo de Rozinante".

YOU: Wow, it looks like you're almost finished.

BRIAN: Yeah, do you care if I spoil it for you?

YOU: No, that's fine.

BRIAN: Jesús realizes after a while that he's an incel. He says "I'm an incel for you and you alone, Rosa." Ramon decides they should start a movement of being heroes, and they attract other incels and dreamers who try to prove their love to their crushes through different kinds of gallant idealism. The movement is called Quixotism, in honor of Jesús' inspiration. Quixotism then becomes so powerful that it sucks away members from the alt-right. Someone recognizes this later in Jesús' life -- like in his forties -- in a newspaper article. So where I am now, he wants to tell Rosa about his achievement, in hopes that she will finally be impressed. He wants to bring her a pink rose to help impress her, but the vendor only has white roses and red roses. It's hard for him to choose, but he goes with white, for the purity of Rosa. All the way there, he's anxious about what she'll think of the rose he chose... Right now, in the book, he's walking back and forth a block away from her apartment, trying to work up the nerve to text her to tell her he's there...

YOU: Oh, so like he told her he had something to tell her?

BRIAN: Right, yeah.

YOU: So what happens? You've got me interested.

BRIAN: Um, it will take me a few minutes...

YOU: That's fine. I'll just look at my phone.

Tonight is going to be one of those nights.

There is nothing good on the Internet, as usual. It's all good, so none of it's good.

Brian finishes the book.

BRIAN: Okay, so she accepts him. "Over the years, you have diligently tried to earn my love, going to great lengths. You even brought me a white rose, my favorite color of rose. I never told you it was my favorite, but you knew, because you know me, Jesús. With this final accomplishment, I am willing to become your girlfriend. You have lived up to my expectations and then some." Then he kisses her hand and they try to figure out where to eat.

YOU: So it's a happy story.

BRIAN: Yes. I think so. Maybe it's supposed to be funny.

YOU: I wonder what kind of point the author was trying to make by having the main character be named Jesús, Jesus.

BRIAN: Maybe Jesus comes in different forms.

YOU: Or his work has to be done by people other than himself.